Monday, 8 December 2008

I'm done

The official Christmas knitting is done. Two weeks ahead of time!

This seriously doesn't mean I'm a knitting demon though who has whipped up a swag of Christmas gifts on the needles. No, I actually cut short my Christmas knitting list a few weeks ago after one too many nights of waking up wondering how on earth I was going to get it all done.

Like some crazed maniac who suddenly gave in to Christmas chaos when I don't actually believe in it, I wasn't happy. Every year, I find Christmas is actually a trial, not a joy and the only way to get through it is to scale back the expectations, find my own ways to locate small pockets of joy throughout the season and just cling for dear life onto the knowledge that soon, my favourite bit will arrive - no work. This year I'm having three weeks off and I just can't wait.

Why is Christmas a trial and not a joy? I don't fully understand my feelings about it myself and not all of them are for public consumption but it's fairly safe to say that when people tell you Christmas is about kids, or 'Christmas is so much better with kids' that statement cuts to the bone. 

We really thought maybe there was a chance we'd at least be expecting by this Christmas so, post miscarriage #2, thank God we're not spending the day surrounded by people with small children. I don't think we could cope. We didn't last year and I doubt we would this year.

That's not to say there aren't people and places to look forward to, but for the childless, and those who wish they weren't so, there's a whole bunch of stuff in December each year that just doesn't feel right. It's a reminder, yet again, of how another year has passed and you're still waiting and hoping.

But back to the knitting. The big ticket item I set out to complete fell from the needles this weekend and now anything else I choose to knit as a gift is a bonus. If I choose. It's time now to start dreaming. I've got lace plans, garment plans, sock plans, a whole bunch of stuff planned.

A few nights ago when I was a bit upset and couldn't sleep, I started mentally wandering through the catalogue of my stash and dreaming of possibilities for the items I could remember. Soon, I was sound asleep.

If that's not an argument for having a decent stash, I don't know what is. I recommend it!

Come January 1, I've got a date with this yarn. Appropriately it's Lorna's Laces yarn - Helen's Lace - in Cranberry and I can't wait. I'm still dreaming about her. I think that'll get me through Christmas, not to mention the odd glass of bubbly for good measure.

Now, to work. Monday, will it ever stop rolling around?