Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Blogtoberfest Day 28: The weight of expectation

I hold this laceweight beauty in my hand like an apple. That's what it makes me think of as I focus the camera on it in the late afternoon. I am remembering a time, almost a year ago, when I bought it and paid a princely sum for it.

Helen's Lace

I think of a time, it was January this year, when I spent several weeks trying to find just the shawl for it. It was agony. I had bought this yarn, Lorna's Laces 'Helen's Lace' with the desire to make it my key project for my first summer of knitting lace. How could I not with that colour and a yarn bearing my name?

I learned from that three week debacle that placing too high expectations on a simple skein of yarn is actually a hinderance. Every shawl I tried seemed not right. Every decision turned out to be the wrong one. All because I had infused the strands with unrealistic meaning.

Yes. I paid a lot for it. Yes, it was going to be my first serious lace project (whatever that means). Yes, I had blogged about it being special and important.

I look back now and think, 'huh?' What was I on?

It's beautiful yarn. It's going to be delightful to knit it into something. I planned an Icarus shawl but tonight I find myself wondering all over again, is it the right shawl? Is there something better/different/nicer that I could make?

And I realise that a year on, I've learned nothing.